Jon: "What positions do you know in the game?"
Tiff: "Uh, there's at least one. Quarterback, right?"
Jon: "How many points do you get in a touchdown?"
Me: ".... 7?"**
He tried to explain the rules, which was like trying to explain nuclear physics to a bunch of pigeons. So this post is like a PSA for those who know nothing about football, aside from the incredibly well-shaped derrieres of the athletes in shiny tights, so that one may enjoy the Superbowl (aka really, Madonna Half Time Day).
So this is the gossip/back story of why men will cry and start riots tonight: this is a re-match of a rivalry from 5 years ago, the 2007 Superbowl of the Giants and the Patriots. Classic rivalry stuff, like Crips vs Bloods, Russia vs US, N Sync vs Backstreet Boys.
So in 2007, the Patriots had never lost a game all season up until the Superbowl. If they won the final game, they would be the second team in all of history to accomplish such a feat. Which is like, Student A would have been the second student to get straight A+s in all history of University of Toronto Law School, except the person didn't ace the final exam. There are rumors that in 2007, revenue from Patriots fans was the hottest growth area of therapy services to recover from their heartbreak.
It's basically like: "YOU SCREWED ME FROM MAKING HISTORY, YOU ELI MANNING, YOU!"
So Eli Manning is the quarterback for the Giants, and this is important because he throws the ball and people have to catch it to get points (in the short of it.)
So he screwed over Tom Brady, the quarterback for the Patriots which is important because:
1. he's one of the greatest qbs of all time, incredibly wealthy, and
2. he looks like this (below) and he has a baby with Gisele. This is known in sports as the 'Golden Boy' status.
So when people say "The Patriots scored a touch down" - it means that Tom Brady threw the ball, and someone on the Patriots team has possession of it in the end zone, and the Patriots just got 6 points, which brings them closer to winning!
Now there are actually several ways to score points.
"The Patriots kicked a field goal!" (Kicked the ball between two long posts, which gives you 3 points.)
"The Patriots get an opportunity to go for a PAT". (After a touch down, you get a chance to get another point.)
"The Giants are going for a two-point conversion". (After a touch down, you get a chance to get two other point.)
So throughout the game, there are downs. At the start of the game, Team A's kicker kicks it super far away from the goal to Team B, making it difficult for them to advance to the end zone (where the touch down is made.)
So Team B is on the offense trying to get to the endzone, and Team A is on defense.
When Team B is on the offensive and has possession of the ball, they have four downs (four tries) to advance 10 yards, while the quarter-back throws and his team tries to catch it to advance.
If they advance 10 yards, they get another four tries to advance another 10 yards until they get a touchdown. But the defense will try and stop them by tacking the ball, intercepted, or if Team B fumbles.
When people say "Oh snap, the Giants fumbled", it means the offensive player dropped it, and the defensive player picked it up. So now Team A goes on the offensive, and tries to make a touchdown.
There's a lot in between what I said, but this is the bare minimum basics.
Oh, also, people will say "this is the 3rd and 6 for the giants." What does this mean in English?
"this is the 3rd down (remember, out of four), and they have 6 (yards to go before they get another four down) for the giants (who are on the offensive.)
* I'm not saying all girls know nothing about football - just I.. personally don't.And either do my girlfriends. Yah.
**The answer is 6 points. This is incredibly sad because I even played flag football in high school. Yup, I was terrible at it.
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